Discovering What Works.

You could say research is about seeing and then taking the time to understand what you see. How can we know what to change or what's getting in our way if we don't see our patterns or understand what our patterns mean. 

Your patterns hold a deeper message about your beliefs. Our beliefs control our actions. Quick example a person who believes she is a writer - writes. 

I know we don't like to get uncomfortable, so we don't like to look at our patterns. As soon as our inner self is about to reveal something to us - we look for a distraction. We just don't like the feeling for some reason. The truth is change only happens when we are uncomfortable. 

Remember we talked about the fact that our minds are programmed? Well being uncomfortable is just about that programming being interrupted. That's it. Its also about our inner selves trying to help us SEE something we need to SEE. 

Well seeing also comes with feeling. And we've been programmed to avoid certain feelings. Because certain feelings just don't seem safe. They leave us vulnerable. And vulnerability is often linked to people taking advantage of us, mistreating us or influencing the way we see ourselves. I get it. 

VULNERABILITY THE RIGHT WAY: 

Keeping your vulnerability private is the way we prevent vulnerability from being something we have to avoid. So no, we don't want to be vulnerable with everyone - but we do have to become comfortable with being vulnerable with ourselves. 

Let's be real - we all have strengths and weakness' and we all have a shadow side. A side of us we may want to avoid because it's not as confident, secure, and let's face it attractive in some areas. 

KEYS: 

What if I told you the things you are trying to avoid seeing about yourself are the exact keys to help you create a strategy that changes your entire reality and puts you in alignment with the more you deserve. Better yet what if I showed you? 

NOT ALONE: 

How do we get comfortable with being uncomfortable? - that is the question. For me I read books on the topic - reading is usually my go to - to master anything that is challenging me. And that's because to change we have to convince our mind it's safe to do. 

The mind just needs to be re-programmed. And in order to reprogram the mind we have to convince the ego that we are not alone and that self-development is commendable, normal, and not something we have to shy away from because we all have to do it if we want to keep growing. 

It's true when we are going through something we like company wether its something fun we are going through or less enjoyable - human beings like to connect. We don't really like to feel alone ( none of us do - we'll talk about that somewhere down the line). 

By reading texts from others who have insight I get another perspective and my ego and my mind cope better with the feelings because I know someone else in this big universe has experienced a similar reality. You can read books, read blogs, watch or listen to podcasts, youtube - whatever floats your boat the tool doesn't matter - taking the step does. Do the thing that works. And remember a big part of your focus right now is discovering what works. 

HELPFUL TOOLS: 

Here's one of the tools on my list:  I read this book Embracing Discomfort - it was eye opening. The author also has another text on the subject The Comfort Crises. Click to hear a snippet of each. 

SIGN POSTS:

Before you try to go out there and start re-arranging your life, joining that expensive gym, or committing to the latest diet regimen - creating and using sign posts and systems is about first seeing, taking notes, and identifying preferences. 

You are literally keeping tabs on yourself and getting to know yourself at the same time. You don't have to do this forever or even everyday. But I do want you to try to commit to keeping track for at least a month ok maybe a week so you can gather some data about how you currently move. 

Act like a detective trying to solve a case. Everything is important, everything feeling, every thought, every idea that comes to mind counts. 

Discover Your Ideal Reality: 

So what does it look like when you are giving yourself the more you deserve? For me I know I am giving myself more when the following is true:

• I buy myself flowers
• I've sat down to have a nice meal at least once a day
• I've made my bed
• My laundry is done
• I've written in my blogs 
• My home is clean
• I've meditated at least once for the day
• I've taken a walk at least once for the day

These are some of my signposts. How I developed my signposts is by identifying what my ideal reality looks like. And making the connection with how these signposts help me shape that ideal reality aka the more I deserve. 

Ok to be clear my goal is to check off a minimum 3 of my signposts for the day - it didn't start off as three - no judgement do your thing and work for progress.

If I've done them all then I reward myself. This reward could range from me taking the day off of work to things like treating myself to a massage or whatever I want and can afford. 

SYSTEMS:

The system part of this step is to realize that if I have failed to do at least three of my signposts - I don't spend time beating myself up about the fact that I have dropped the ball. I just pick the ball back up. I identify any obstacles I've discovered that are getting in my way and make a quick plan for how to overcome at least one of the obstacles in the future. 

I've paid enough attention to my pattern to know the reason why when I don't do these things on a daily bases it is most likely my mind is moving too fast and I am racing the clock thinking about my endless to do list. 

Completing these signposts are an indicator for me that I am moving at a preferred pace and am not racing the clock. 

The natural rewards come when I realize I am more organized, my affairs are in order, and I feel good in my skin. 

Here's a tool I use to take inventory of myself. I found it on Good Notes. It's a self-care journal and I used it for about 2 months to help me reprogram my habits. Once I got into a good rhythm I no longer needed the journal. 

Signposts and systems for me are the best way to help me maintain my balance while I am changing habits. The rest starts to happen naturally. I promise. By taking inventory, identifying preferences and celebrating your wins - you take the pressure off yourself of needing things to change and work with the flow and rhythm of where you are currently. 

What's Next:

In my next post I am going to talking about understanding what it means when you know you should be doing something but you say the words "I don't feel like it" these are very specific words the mind uses and I will share with why.